am i too nice? do i give too much? =/ im sorry i give second chances?.. what do you want from me? i give you what you ask for. i help you when you need it. ive never done any wrong to you. and yet..you keep running away. Why? what makes me so awful for you to feel the need to run away after so long? your gunna do it a third time, for real? if your gunna fucking leave dont beat around the bush and be an ass to me about some goddamn excuse. fucking tell me your leaving me again. just remember. you leave this time, i will not be the same person when you come back. i cant fight this world by myself. i hate fighting with you. i hate argueing. i hate the rage and negativity that you build up about shit like my past. you pick at it like it fuckin happened today! like im still doing it. well i hate to tell yah hun but i cant change what happened, no matter how hard i try. whats done is done and im sorry but i cant change it to the way that you want it to look like.. godamn. i love you, but sometimes, you just drive me nuts. ♥ lighten up some.

theres only so much i can take..i feel sufficated, stressed..everythings piling up i cant break free from it. school, family, life itself..where does it end, when do i get a break? i wanna run and break free and take a day off from all of it. take a day off from life..just for a minute to relax, to clear my head, think for myself..i just need some me time. im in over my head and keep bringing on more shit. my mind is constantly running, and im always moving, its never break time. everything and everyones in a goddamn race. i cant take it anymore, i wanna break down and cry for days just because. i need a way out..

Dad.
i know your trying to "be a good parent" but god damn. its to much. you tell me that i need to learn from my mistakes, how the hell am i suppose to learn from them if you wont even let me make any. let me learn all by myself, if i make a mistake then what do you care anyways!? its my mistake! quit barricading me and smothering me all the time. let me breath. let me live. let me go.. i do love you, and i miss you i really miss you. i miss who you used to be, i miss the you before you were corrupted by girl friends..you changed && im never gunna see that guy again ='/ it really hurts me, and the more i think about it i just....i dont care anymore. if thats who you wanna be, then whatever. im not gunna say shit cuz you are who you are, and if youd rather be brain washed by bimbo girl friends then hold your family together then i guess it goes to show who you really are anyways... your pushing me away. know that. its not just because i wanna "go out and party" or "do my own thing" or whatever else you think..i need to get away. youve lost my respect, and i know your my father and i should always respect you and this and that. but you need to give a little to get a little. youve started drinking again...i hate that shit....you know thats why we left you in the first place. so why continue to after we give you a second chance? you are the reason i hate alcohol so much. i drink very very rarely because i watch how you abuse it and i hate it.. Andrew drinks too. and i hate watching him do it..but i know he doesnt drink like you.. youve lost me... maybe after i leave you'll realize what youve taken for granted and what youve lost, what YOU'VE pushed away..youve already lost one daughter. now you just lost another. i love you, and im sorry. but you did it to yourself..

there comes a time
when you have to choose,
between whats right
and what you want.

pain is only there to
reflect the outcome of either choice,
and burn the world of whatever
thoughts they hold.

unstable with yourself
unsure of your decision,
swallowed with the thoughts
of the future you desire.

torn between the lives
of the people who hold you close,
ripped apart inside
as the past starts to rise.

changing as the world does
blind to who you are,
trying to find the pieces
lost and alone crying out for help.

watching as life passes by
like your stuck on a merry-go-round,
as life spins away out of control
no stopping, but always go.